Tonight I wish the tears would fall down <br />But it seems nowadays they seldom do <br />Only imagining the possible escape <br />They could provide me with, it's true <br /> <br />I am so tired of being strong and resilient <br />But by now this front seems so real <br />I have even fooled myself to believe <br />That no longer do I need to actually feel <br /> <br />But something, anything would be nice <br />Tell me that this self-destruction will end <br />I'm killing the best parts of me now <br />Because the fake me is easier to defend <br /> <br />No one questions the sparkle of my smile <br />Or guesses the gleam in my eye to be tears <br />Because how could this wide-eyed girl <br />Ever be what she doesn't appear <br /> <br />So go ahead and paint me a shade of perfect, <br />If believing this lie satisfies your desires. <br />It's not me who has to take the fall of reality <br />When it's label of pretend finally expires. <br /> <br />Broken hearts and bitter circumstances <br />Have knocked me off my stool of overrated dreams <br />And I still think a fairytale can exist <br />Even though half of life isn't what it seems <br /> <br />Do you know why cloud nine is so high? <br />It's so that dreamers and romantics fall hard <br />Down onto the concrete realities of life <br />Leaving us reminders, all these little scars <br /> <br />So that the next time we get to thinking <br />Things could turn out like we hope and plan <br />We look at our scratches and remember <br />Most likely they won't, though there's a chance they can. <br /> <br />And here I am finishing my sentences with hope <br />Still searching for that one ray of sunlight. <br />Maybe half my smile is actually real <br />Because I'm praying that I'll be all right.<br /><br />Emily Reid<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/i-m-sorry-i-m-not-who-you-want-me-to-be/
