Different clues of my guilt <br />Carelessly, intentionally left on my path, <br />Everywhere around... <br /> <br />You can see them, if you really try, <br />You can make me feel stronger, <br /> <br />Clues of my regrets, sticky like honey, <br />But a bitter taste they leave behind, <br />Together with my fear. <br /> <br />The story that I had to tell, <br />I cannot relate to it anymore, <br />I’ve drifted away from it, little by little <br />With each line I left written on <br />The pavement of your heart. <br /> <br />I cried, I lied, I regret everything. <br />But I said no prayers, <br />For imploration never change a thing. <br /> <br />Maybe I’ve cried it all out, <br />But still something remains and its silent pain <br />Dares to torment me day and night, <br />How can I explore my biggest mistake again and again? <br /> <br />I wish it would all go away, <br />Simply be engulfed by someone else, <br />Oh, I am a heartless bitch, <br />I would let my pain torment someone else... <br /> <br />Yet somehow, I grew fond of it, <br />And it is mine; it’s my pain, my torture, <br />I am not ready to give it all up. <br />So I try, again and again, <br /> <br />My child, I know I’ve killed you, <br />I’ve dug a warm grave for you to rest in, <br />And your laughter, it vanished, <br />Your joy, your bright eyes, they are still now... <br /> <br />As I look upon your white face, I remember you, <br />Your long hair playing in the wind, <br />Your hands reaching out to me, you wanted to be carried... <br />Your warmth, your pollution-and-noise-free smile, <br />The world didn’t taint your heart... <br /> <br />But they tainted mine. <br />And I don’t smile anymore, <br />I don’t have the strength, <br />I miss you, my darling angel, so bad that <br />I feel it as physical pain! <br /> <br />We should’ve taken shelter in love, <br />But my mind knew no innocence, <br />My future... I worried about it, <br />And now it’s all black and heavy, doomed. <br /> <br />My guilt, my pain, your memory, <br />They live in my heart, always. <br /> <br />©Elya Thorn. Do not republish without permission!<br /><br />Elya Thorn<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/clues-of-guilt/
