I ran into the room, feeling the pressure, <br />My heartbeat resonating throughout my entire body <br />Blood pulsing beneath every inch of my skin <br />Like the monster forming inside me <br />The monster of anger and desperation <br />Directing my life, distorting my decisions <br />I heard it laugh at me, how piteous my tears <br />Weak, never worth the effort at all. <br />So then I knew <br />It had to be out, released to wreak havoc <br />On the outside instead of locked within <br />All that was on my mind was <br />Out, out, out, getitout, cantkeepthishideousnessinsidemeanymore <br />Wontletthisdestroymefromtheinsideout, takeitoutofme, letitgo, get <br />Itout, outside, itcantcausemetheseproblemsanymorethere, getitout <br /> <br />I looked up into the mirror, then down to my hands, <br />Fingertips smeared red <br />I never thought fingernails could cut that deep <br />I bled and bled, more than I had imagined would happened <br />My neck and shoulders and chest <br />Ruined by these red stripes, streaks of blood <br />And I stopped, felt a slight burn, a steady emptying <br />So I wondered <br />How can I drain faster? <br /> <br />I moved like a zombie, half unaware of my actions <br />Yet nearly aware of the promise I had made to myself <br />But everything sort of calmed, slowed <br />As blood greeted the surface in razor blade trails <br />And wouldn't let go <br />And kept coming <br />Even after I didn't want it anymore <br />Even after I didn't need it anymore <br />All I could do was watch <br />As I wiped my life from my skin <br />And wished the seeping would finally slow, finally stop <br />It did, and I'm glad for it <br />Though I keep glancing at the scabs <br />In panic with the thought I might lose it again <br />Afraid I will break again <br />I don't want to break a promise again <br />My first cuts must be enough <br />But I fear they won't be <br />I can't keep myself from opening these wounds<br /><br />Newo Enec<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/first-cuts/
