When it comes to women <br />my life has never been that well. <br />I used to advertise myself <br />and on my tee shirt wrote. <br />(Front) Help me please. <br />(Back) Take me home I <br /> make a good bed warmer. <br />Sadly, no takers came forward <br />and I wondered why <br />after all I was always good <br />at making a hot water bottle. <br />Such if life I guess. <br /> <br />Then I thought if you got it, flaunt it <br />and the police could not stop laughing <br />when they arrested me, <br />but they still gave me six months <br />for my try. <br />Finally, I managed to take a girl home with me, <br />but the parrot escaped and landed in her lap. <br />She did not like feathered friends <br />and she never came back after that. <br />Such is life I guess. <br /> <br />Nothing I did seem to work <br />in attracting a mate. <br />I went to funerals hoping to catch a widow’s eye, <br />but when one thought I was a corpse, <br />and tried to put me in the box with her departed, <br />I gave up after that. <br />I just could not understand why <br />women did not like me <br />after all I dressed like them <br />with a skirt and pinnie. <br />Such is life I guess. <br /> <br />I advertised in the newspapers <br />and my advert read <br />a man in need of a woman. <br />He is clever and witty <br />and is house trained as well. <br />I only had one reply <br />from a woman who said <br />I am pretty and petite <br />and I am only twenty-four. <br /> <br />We married in the month of June <br />and everything went well until it came to go to bed. <br />First, she unscrewed her leg and then her arm. <br />She then took out her glass eye <br />and her false teeth as well. <br />When she finished scraping off the make-up <br />my ravishing beauty of twenty-four <br />looked like an old hag of ninety-four. <br /> <br />Such is life such is my life. <br />Now I am left with a wife in the bed <br />and most of her bit on the floor. <br /> <br />26 November 2009<br /><br />David Harris<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/such-is-life-5/
