I can see now how i should've known <br />I can see how you bit the truth back <br />I can see that you always knew <br />He would bend me until i cracked. <br /> <br />I'm sorry if it always seemed <br />that i chose him over you <br />and how i acted so differently <br />because he told me the truth. <br /> <br />I understand how you must've felt <br />when you saw me getting run down <br />i understand why you never spoke <br />just waited for me to come around. <br /> <br />and now i realize you must've known <br />that he would change on me. <br />and i'm thanking you for nothing here <br />just that you let me be. <br /> <br />I should've come to you <br />whenever i needed help. <br />but instead i went to him <br />like he would get over himself. <br /> <br />You must've heard me crying <br />to myself, alone at night. <br />and you knew i'd learn to be strong <br />learn to agree with myself and fight. <br /> <br />You never told me 'i told you so' <br />even if i never knew you knew <br />you always comforted me <br />when i wasn't there to comfort you. <br /> <br />i'm not sure if this is an apology <br />if i even know how to give one <br />but i understand why now <br />and how you let me first run. <br /> <br />you always bit your tongue <br />whenever i'd get so excited <br />and when i'd get hurt. <br />you let me, you'd never fight it. <br /> <br />i wish i could understand <br />why i always put him first <br />why i was never important to him <br />why laughing with him made it worse. <br /> <br />he chose to be my dad <br />and i thought that meant commitment <br />and i know now why you stayed the same <br />you understood that he was different. <br /> <br />you knew he would break my heart <br />just like he hurt you <br />you knew he'd be my favorite <br />but all along it's been you. <br /> <br />i have you to thank for everything <br />you were two parents in one <br />you made everything right <br />you gave me both moon and sun. <br /> <br />there was never a limit to love <br />like there was with him concerning me <br />i'd like to thank you for that <br />thank you for letting me see.<br /><br />Desiree Whitamore<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/it-should-nt-of-been-him-first/
