I do not know <br />Where it has gone… <br />The virtue; my resolve; <br />To be a human <br />Of honor. <br /> <br />I promised myself <br />I would live like Gandhi, <br />Selfless and sweet <br />Sunrays of warmth and light, <br />Shining pure <br /> <br />A tiny old man <br />With a smile of humor <br />Eyes so knowing, and <br />A heart to make us all <br />Weep for love <br /> <br />I wish I were <br />As good a person. <br />As this petit gentleman <br />A person who thinks <br />Of the world and all in it. <br /> <br />Oh, If I but had the strength <br />To say No! To break <br />My own heart, and life, <br />To keep theirs whole, <br />And joyous. <br /> <br />To take back <br />All wrong that I have done. <br />The kisses I had given <br />The wishes I had in my <br />Heart of darkness <br /> <br />For even as <br />I smiled, I cried inside. <br />And even as I fell in love <br />I felt my honor splinter <br />My self respect die. <br /> <br />A slim figure in white, <br />My conscious in his form <br />Turns away, and shakes <br />His head with a <br />Sigh of disappointment. <br /> <br />I want to watch <br />The marigold flowers, bursting <br />With vibrancy. The skies <br />Full of the peaceful sounds <br />Of raindrops falling home <br /> <br />And be forgiven <br />Somehow, though I doubt <br />For me it’s possible. <br />And make up somehow <br />For all the woes. <br /> <br />I would have that little boy <br />Grow up to be a great man <br />Live a happy life, proud <br />Of his family and of <br />The goodness in the world <br /> <br />And for me, I would wish <br />Nothing more than what <br />I always wish. A space <br />Six feet long, <br />And two feet wide.<br /><br />Keighley Hastings<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/for-even-as-i-smiled/
