I used to live for everything; for the naked trees in the autumn, for the smell of hope in the <br />spring. Every time that smell came I would breathe deeper. <br />I would look out of my window at night and see the city lights gleaming up at me, they <br />screamed, <br />‘you can have this, you can have all of this’. <br /> <br />My youth was enveloped in faith and ambition. Faith dictated my every move. Faith in the <br />table that would hold my drink. Faith in the bath that would get me clean. Faith in my heart <br />that would guide me. Faith in myself to get to the lights. <br />Myself? <br />Myself is conquered in question marks and lists. <br /> <br />Now loneliness dictates my every move. It shoves me into dark places and binds me to <br />things that my mind cannot commit. <br />I am swarmed by darkness and acres and acres of hope that cannot be tended to or sown. <br />Every ounce of me has abandoned myself and I cannot retrieve it. <br /> <br />I reminisce over pages and pages of me and there is no middle ground. <br />I was young and I was free. <br />I was nineteen and I was lost. <br />I am nineteen and completely tattered. <br /> <br />I look back on these pages and I see images of flowers with three petals and houses with <br />four windows and triangle rooftops. <br />I see people with bright pink skin and everything in 2-D. <br /> <br />Then I look back on these pages and see hearts with your name scrawled across them. I see <br />paragraphs and books dedicated to you. <br />I see everything that you ever said to me. <br />I see all of my faith scribbled in you. <br /> <br />Now when I look out of my window, <br />the lights glare at me, they scream, ‘YOU LOST HIM, YOU LOST YOU! ’ <br />And when the spring comes and I breathe deeper, every cell in my body becomes decimated <br />by your scent, every organ rots remembering you. <br />In the autumn when the trees are free and naked and cold, <br />my bones shake without you to cover them.<br /><br />chloe young<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/triangle-rooftops/
