Oh! little maid! - (I do not know your name <br />Or who you are, so, as a safe precaution <br />I'll add) - Oh, buxom widow! married dame! <br />(As one of these must be your present portion) <br />Listen, while I unveil prophetic lore for you, <br />And sing the fate that Fortune has in store for you. <br /> <br />You'll marry soon - within a year or twain - <br />A bachelor of CIRCA two and thirty: <br />Tall, gentlemanly, but extremely plain, <br />And when you're intimate, you'll call him "BERTIE." <br />Neat - dresses well; his temper has been classified <br />As hasty; but he's very quickly pacified. <br /> <br />You'll find him working mildly at the Bar, <br />After a touch at two or three professions, <br />From easy affluence extremely far, <br />A brief or two on Circuit - "soup" at Sessions; <br />A pound or two from whist and backing horses, <br />And, say three hundred from his own resources. <br /> <br />Quiet in harness; free from serious vice, <br />His faults are not particularly shady, <br />You'll never find him "SHY" - for, once or twice <br />Already, he's been driven by a lady, <br />Who parts with him - perhaps a poor excuse for him - <br />Because she hasn't any further use for him. <br /> <br />Oh! bride of mine - tall, dumpy, dark, or fair! <br />Oh! widow - wife, maybe, or blushing maiden, <br />I've told YOUR fortune; solved the gravest care <br />With which your mind has hitherto been laden. <br />I've prophesied correctly, never doubt it; <br />Now tell me mine - and please be quick about it! <br /> <br />You - only you - can tell me, an' you will, <br />To whom I'm destined shortly to be mated, <br />Will she run up a heavy MODISTE'S bill? <br />If so, I want to hear her income stated <br />(This is a point which interests me greatly). <br />To quote the bard, "Oh! have I seen her lately?" <br /> <br />Say, must I wait till husband number one <br />Is comfortably stowed away at Woking? <br />How is her hair most usually done? <br />And tell me, please, will she object to smoking? <br />The colour of her eyes, too, you may mention: <br />Come, Sibyl, prophesy - I'm all attention.<br /><br />WS Gilbert<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/ballad-to-my-bride-whoever-she-may-be/
