If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am: <br />I'm a genuine philanthropist - all other kinds are sham. <br />Each little fault of temper and each social defect <br />In my erring fellow-creatures, I endeavour to correct. <br />To all their little weaknesses I open people's eyes, <br />And little plans to snub the self-sufficient I devise; <br />I love my fellow-creatures - I do all the good I can - <br />Yet everybody says I'm such a disagreeable man! <br />And I can't think why! <br /> <br />To compliments inflated I've a withering reply, <br />And vanity I always do my best to mortify; <br />A charitable action I can skilfully dissect; <br />And interested motives I'm delighted to detect. <br />I know everybody's income and what everybody earns, <br />And I carefully compare it with the income-tax returns; <br />But to benefit humanity, however much I plan, <br />Yet everybody says I'm such a disagreeable man! <br />And I can't think why! <br /> <br />I'm sure I'm no ascetic; I'm as pleasant as can be; <br />You'll always find me ready with a crushing repartee; <br />I've an irritating chuckle, I've a celebrated sneer, <br />I've an entertaining snigger, I've a fascinating leer; <br />To everybody's prejudice I know a thing or two; <br />I can tell a woman's age in half a minute - and I do - <br />But although I try to make myself as pleasant as I can, <br />Yet everybody says I'm such a disagreeable man! <br />And I can't think why!<br /><br />William Schwenck Gilbert<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/the-disagreeable-man/
