A LADY fair, of lineage high, <br />Was loved by an Ape, in the days gone by - <br />The Maid was radiant as the sun, <br />The Ape was a most unsightly one - <br />So it would not do - <br />His scheme fell through; <br />For the Maid, when his love took formal shape, <br />Expressed such terror <br />At his monstrous error, <br />That he stammered an apology and made his 'scape, <br />The picture of a disconcerted Ape. <br /> <br />With a view to rise in the social scale, <br />He shaved his bristles, and he docked his tail, <br />He grew moustachios, and he took his tub, <br />And he paid a guinea to a toilet club. <br />But it would not do, <br />The scheme fell through - <br />For the Maid was Beauty's fairest Queen, <br />With golden tresses, <br />Like a real princess's, <br />While the Ape, despite his razor keen, <br />Was the apiest Ape that ever was seen! <br /> <br />He bought white ties, and he bought dress suits, <br />He crammed his feet into bright tight boots, <br />And to start his life on a brand-new plan, <br />He christened himself Darwinian Man! <br />But it would not do, <br />The scheme fell through - <br />For the Maiden fair, whom the monkey craved, <br />Was a radiant Being, <br />With a brain far-seeing - <br />While a Man, however well-behaved, <br />At best is only a monkey shaved!<br /><br />William Schwenck Gilbert<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/the-ape-and-the-lady/
