Whene'er I poke <br />Sarcastic joke <br />Replete with malice spiteful, <br />The people vile <br />Politely smile <br />And vote me quite delightful! <br />Now, when a wight <br />Sits up all night <br />Ill-natured jokes devising, <br />And all his wiles <br />Are met with smiles, <br />It's hard, there's no disguising! <br />Oh, don't the days seem lank and long <br />When all goes right and nothing goes wrong, <br />And isn't your life extremely flat <br />With nothing whatever to grumble at! <br /> <br />When German bands, <br />From music stands <br />Play Wagner imperFECTly - <br />I bid them go - <br />They don't say no, <br />But off they trot directly! <br />The organ boys <br />They stop their noise <br />With readiness surprising, <br />And grinning herds <br />Of hurdy-gurds <br />Retire apologising! <br />Oh, don't the days seem lank and long <br />When all goes right and nothing goes wrong, <br />And isn't your life extremely flat <br />With nothing whatever to grumble at! <br /> <br />I've offered gold, <br />In sums untold, <br />To all who'd contradict me - <br />I've said I'd pay <br />A pound a day <br />To any one who kicked me - <br />I've bribed with toys <br />Great vulgar boys <br />To utter something spiteful, <br />But, bless you, no! <br />They WILL be so <br />Confoundedly politeful! <br />In short, these aggravating lads, <br />They tickle my tastes, they feed my fads, <br />They give me this and they give me that, <br />And I've nothing whatever to grumble at!<br /><br />William Schwenck Gilbert<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/the-baffled-grumbler/
