I turn the television on <br />And what abysmal hell <br />Pollutes the screen? What could it be <br />But Eamonn Holmes' Hard Spell? <br /> <br />It can't be fair, it seems to me, <br />When A must spell 'laparoscopy' <br />(Does such a word even exist?) <br />And B must spell 'balloon'. <br /> <br />How can you take two words like that, <br />And say they're equally hard, <br />And thus make one a winner, <br />And the other fate ill-starr'd? <br /> <br />From whence do they obtain these words, <br />This witenagemote? <br />And who are they to tell us how <br />To spell the words that float <br /> <br />In the ethereal vap'rous air, <br />Imponderable na, <br />When they canna deveese a fair <br />Set o' gemme ruiles at a'? <br /> <br />I do suspect they make them up, <br />Pretending they exist – <br />I'm not aware that 'na''s a rod, <br />But it's probably on their list <br /> <br />Of words they think are hard to spell, <br />Like 'apple' and 'breakwater', <br />'Electroencephalogram', <br />'Effacement' and 'stepdaughter'. <br /> <br />And then of course that woman <br />Who can't speak a single word <br />Derstuncly – no, DERSTUNCTLY; <br />For the CONSONANTS are heard. <br /> <br />Who would have thought orthography <br />Could really be compelling – <br />Who would have thought that aught could be <br />Excitinger than spelling? <br /> <br />(Thursday,29th December,2005.)<br /><br />David Mitchell<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/spelling-is-compelling/
