Two years ago I ruined my life when I got a bride. <br />She's 6'4' tall and about ten feet wide. <br />She weighs 800 pounds and I married her when I was drunk. <br />She eats and eats and my bank account has significantly shrunk. <br />She rolled over on me in bed and broke fifteen of my bones. <br />I wish she'd pack her bags and leave me on my own. <br />She's mean, she has warts on her face and it's tearing me apart. <br />When we go out in public, she always farts. <br />When she passes gas, it's louder than TNT and it really stinks. <br />I should've listened to my parents when they told me never to drink. <br />She asked if she's as sexy as Lindsay Lohan and I said hell no. <br />If she ever gets pregnant, you won't be able to tell that she shows. <br />She never shaves her legs and there is a lot of hair. <br />It's like making love to a bear. <br />I drive my car really fast and I hope to die in a crash. <br />I learned to live with her until she grew a mustache.<br /><br />Randy Johnson<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/800-pounds/
