You’ve worked hard <br />Studied well <br />The frequent slips <br />Of early years <br />Are never seen <br />Nowadays. <br />Your face registers horror <br />At the very mention <br />Of going barefoot, <br />Anywhere. <br />You declare <br />Only filthy beasts <br />Can live without <br />Bidets. <br />The perfect breakfast <br />Is coffee and brioche <br />At a local bar. <br />It really is! <br />And it would never <br />Cross your mind <br />To serve apple sauce <br />With pork. <br />Those English barbarians <br />Put jam on their turkey <br />And the Germans, <br />The heathens, <br />Pour yoghurt <br />Over their salad. <br />Che sacrilegio! <br />Everyone knows <br />Sweet and savoury <br />Don’t mix <br />Except for <br />Squash risotto. <br /> <br />That could explain why <br />Tourists brains have been fuddled <br />Into thinking it’s ok <br />To swim in the sea before May, <br />Just ’cos it’s a boiling hot day. <br /> <br />When small <br />Your children were never hatless <br />Or even allowed to sweat <br />There might have been “ giro d’aria” <br />And then they’d have caught their death. <br /> <br />Then for some reason you blow it <br />You throw it all away. <br />After 30 years of conformity <br />And subjection to the superior knowledge <br />Of the Italian minds <br />You fancy a cappuccino <br />After lunch. <br />The restaurant hushes <br />The waitress turns pale, <br />Some knowing looks are exchanged <br />And then you hear it <br />That fateful phrase, <br />“Questi stranieri non capiscono niente.” <br />These foreigners understand nothing.<br /><br />Sallie Howson<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/shocking-the-natives/
