I find myself <br />still as awkward <br />as I was when I was 10. <br />I find there's times <br />I avoid people alot, <br />over and over again. <br />I find some <br />that I'd like to be with <br />and think that hey, maybe I'm ok. <br />After awhile though, <br />I'm back lonely again <br />as friends drift away. <br />It isn't like me <br />to stop someone and ask <br />if they'd give me the reason. <br />I know life's <br />flux and people's needs <br />change with the seasons. <br />But these friends <br />come and go too quickly <br />and momentarily I'm flattered... <br />only to later feel <br />left out, forgotten, and abandoned, <br />wondering if I ever really mattered. <br /> <br />Sometimes I get <br />the feeling that maybe <br />they can see what I feared it to be... <br />That this lonely <br />girl is the problem, and the common <br />denominator in this... is me. <br />People like me <br />ask for no pity, nor want <br />it ever to waste your time. <br />It wasn't hard, was it, <br />for you the more socially-adept one, <br />to become a friend of mine? <br />This is not so for me <br />and when you came along, <br />pity was not what I asked for. <br />I was just hoping <br />that maybe you could stay awhile <br />...and I ask of nothing more. <br /> <br />I write this <br />not of anyone in particular <br />but as a time-tested truth <br />Of how it is <br />or what it's like to be me <br />ever since I was a youth. <br />It may sound sad <br />but the truth of it is, <br />I've gotten really quite used to <br />being 'the pal' <br />one minute, and then the next <br />I'm wondering, 'What did I do? ' <br />And everyday <br />I go about my usual, <br />pretending that this doesn't affect me... <br />yet here I am <br />at 3 in the morning, writing, <br />again wearing my heart on my sleeve.<br /><br />Lee Degnan<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/life-as-me/
