Och Men! <br /> <br />Ye canny live way thum <br />Ye canny live without thum <br /> <br />Fur Aw thir hitherin and ditherin <br />About wit thir goan tae wear… <br />No wait a meenit, that’s us wumen. <br />I’ll steart again… <br /> <br />Och men! <br /> <br />Ye canny live way thum <br />Ye canny live without thum <br /> <br />Way thir idea eh a pint <br />Being o’er the score <br />First its wan <br />Then its two <br />Then its seven bludy more <br /> <br />They think that thir sober <br />Till the night wind’s over <br />Then it back tae thir bed <br />Where the wumen never said, <br />“I telt ye no tae huv that last pint” <br /> <br />So with a pacifying peck <br />Oan the dear wifie’s cheek <br />Its oaf tae the slumber land <br />With oot oany breeks <br />Then the snorin’ gets started <br />Followed close by the fartin <br />An hes deid tae the world and aw that <br /> <br />But at three, up he gets <br />To relieve from hes bladder <br />Aw the pints that ah mentioned afore. <br />So he feels fur the handle <br />In the dark pitch of night <br />And he open, what he thinks, is the door <br /> <br /> <br />Then We find thum, <br />Stark naked, <br />Daein’ impressions of that statue, <br />Where the wee man is peein in the pool. <br />If he’d made it tae the bathroom, <br />And just peed on the linoleum, <br />Ye could get away with callin thum a fool. <br /> <br />But he’s stonin’ in the wardrobe <br />Wae hes bahoochy aw hairy an shiverin <br />As he shoogles aff the pee from his wee man. <br />And tae mak’et matters worse, <br />Hes done hes due on only hurs <br />And now shes thinking that she should provide a ban <br />On oany type a muckle drinkin, <br />Where the pundit gets pure stinkin, <br />And proceeds tae widdle naewhere near the pan!<br /><br />Alice Anne Gordon<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/a-reply-men-thir-habits-scots/
