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Ben Gieske - winter (2 haiku)

2014-11-08 0 Dailymotion

cold winter morning <br />manure pile <br />freshly brewing <br /> <br />around the campfire <br />fired-up hearts <br />another round of song <br /> <br />Published in the Snowdays issue (Jan-Mar 2009) of 3Lights online. See: http: //www.threelightsgallery.com/snowdays/html <br /> <br />Even though these haiku were published, doesn't mean that they could not have been improved as is evident by the following changes suggested by Lillian Thomas. <br /> <br />manure pile <br />on a winter morning <br />freshly brewing <br /> <br />This removes the redundant 'cold', has a more balanced short-long-short form, and puts the manure pile in better focus. <br /> <br />Rearranging the second one also improves the form of this haiku and reads more smoothly. <br /> <br />fired-up hearts <br />another round of song <br />around the campfire<br /><br />Ben Gieske<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/winter-2-haiku/

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