I’m anxious. <br />Can’t think straight. <br />Thoughts are scattered like <br />Pieces of paper. <br />Paranoia is grasping my mind, <br />Stinging my eyes with tears. <br />Where do I go? <br />Do I stay home? <br />I’m so bored but dangerously so. <br />Crazy ideas form into plans. <br />No! Don’t. Won’t. <br />Anxiety is tugging at my lungs. <br />Breathing is rapid, labored. <br />Shivering so hard I sweat. <br />Don’t want to be alone. <br />Irritated by my peers though. <br />All the music is angry, <br />Shouting, loud, heart-hammering. <br />I love it. <br />Love this feeling of complete chaos <br />But I’m so in need. <br />The entire day is spent. <br />No time left. <br />Only sleep to look <br />Forward to. <br />I can’t! There must be <br />More! <br />No. There isn’t. <br />You’re alone. <br />And no one is there <br />To save you. <br />No, I’m not! <br />I need someone to talk to… <br />You have me. <br />You’re not real! <br />As real as you are. <br />The voice is in my head. <br />Nails digging into my arms like <br />There are bubbles trying to <br />Break through the surface. <br />Stare down at past scars. <br />Adrenaline is preparing me for <br />A night of fun and adventure. <br />Only to endure neither. <br />Loneliness. Emptiness. <br />Screams tear through my <br />Throat but I refuse to let them <br />Free. Can’t calm down. <br />No.<br /><br />Rebecca Paul<br /><br />http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/schizophrenia-7/
