Penis assault, a cloning mega factory and Seagal training. Just because you don't need to know about these stories, doesn't mean they won't interest you.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Bionic humans, zombie Christmas and Skyping chimps! Just because you don't need to know about these stories, doesn't mean they won't interest you.<br /><br />Welcome to episode one of The Dispatch, WatchMojo.com's look into three cool, funny, or weird news stories from the previous week of human existence.
