Hey, welcome to the Weekly Reel – Big Summer Box Office Edition, Part 1. The place we tell you about the movies you’ll hopefully pay to see but you’ll probably stream for free. <br /><br />SNATCHED: [Whiny voice] <br /><br />Guuuuuyys! Amy Schumer got dumped again! Blaaah… <br /><br />And Guuuuys!! Her biological clock is ticking!! Blaahh…<br /><br />And Guyyyys!! Her mom has like NO fun anymore… So, it’s obvy time for a mother/daughter trip to South America. [End of whiny voice]<br /><br />[01:00 Hola! AS: Check in for Middleton. Welcome… GH: Whale what? AS: Wel! Come! They’re not serving whale semen. GH: Oh welcome! I’m so sorry.] <br /><br />But the funniest part is Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn get kidnapped. <br /><br />[01:25 AS: I will get us out of here. And you should believe in me! Do you think that maybe that guy’s ok? GH: I saw his brains. AS: Why can’t you just make me feel better?] <br /><br />We’ve heard of Schumer killing it in stand up, but now she’s straight up murkin’ people on the big screen?<br /><br />You might think this looks like your standard mother-daughter kidnapped in South America story, and ok… That’s what it is. But it’s nice to see Goldie in the movies again, at least? Right? <br /><br />If you and your mom really like gross out jokes, this one’s for you…<br /><br />But take our advice: If you go see this movie with your mom, there are probably some parts you’ll be praying that someone would just come kidnap you. <br /><br />So buy a ticket, kick up your feet and enjoy your overpriced popcorn. We’ll see you next week at the box office. <br /><br />ALIEN: COVENANT <br /><br />We’re shaking because… Aliens are back!! Hey, where are you running off to? <br /><br />In Alien: Covenant, we see Michael Fassbender and his crew attempt to explore a new planet, and well, things get ear-rie. [Trailer A 01;09] <br /><br />Ah man, the next thing you know, everyone’s dying and you can’t even see what’s going on around you anymore.<br />Hopefully director Ridley Scott doesn’t interrupt a sunny summer day with two hours of perpetual darkness, and a “scary” alien that you can’t even see. <br /><br />Also, what’s up with this graphic PSA against shower sex? [01;51] <br /><br />[02:23 ] Oh yeah... How much do you want to bet Danny McBride dies in this scene? They always kill off the funny guys in cowboy hats. <br /><br />Take our advice: Go see it, because these are aliens you’re still allowed to dislike. <br /><br />WONDERWOMAN: <br /><br />Imagine if Gal Gadot filled out a dating profile for Wonder Woman, she’d probably be the summer’s most eligible bachelorette. <br /><br />She’d be like “Hi, I’m Princess Diana of Themyscria, which if you haven’t heard of it, is basically like a magic Paradise… About me: Um, I love to keep active and live that #fitlife, and I love adventure… To be honest, I consider myself more on the tomboy side… And I do put up a shield if I need to… But I can dress to impress too. <br /><br />Ok, sometimes my friends accuse me of roping guys in, but if I like you, our relationship is legit bulletproof… Oh, and I know how to handle a sword.<br /><br />Me and my betches have dealt with a lot of bad boys… Been there, done that… Now, I’m looking for Mr. Right to help me conquer the world. <br /><br />Not that I need a man though… Trust me, I’m an ex that you don’t want to mess with.”
