Lyrics:<br /><br />Letters in the Mail<br /><br />When I opened my mailbox I had some letters<br />I wondered who they could be from except debtors<br />Petitioning for funds they had never received<br />The first one had a different name and I was relieved<br /><br />The government was looking for child support<br />And I was wondering who was on the run and a dollar short<br />Did they miss their family or were they<br />Hiding in the Caribbean playing the piano and wearing a beret<br /><br />The second letter was stamped “important information”<br />When I tore it open it wasn’t asking for donation<br />I realized it was at the wrong address<br />It detailed some poor women’s abscess<br /><br />I didn’t know how to get a hold of her<br />And when it comes to this I’m no connoisseur<br />But she must be out there lying in a lot of pain<br />With her sheets and mattress in bloodstain<br /><br />The third commanded me to open right away<br />When I cut it open out came a rug I was to pray<br />On and a ring I was to wear and a form<br />To fill out to pass through the storm<br /><br />If I sent it back they’d give me a coin<br />And curse my enemies if I would join<br />I put my neighbor’s name down when I was drunk<br />So they could start getting all this junk<br />
