"What A Mouth!"<br /><br />Burt Shepard<br /><br />Victor 4991<br /><br />R. P. Weston song<br /><br />Harry Champion used to sing this--a favorite Cockney Song<br /><br />Tommy Steele recorded it in 1960<br /><br />Jimmy Banks would be a handsome feller<br />If he had another face and a different smeller<br />But his mouth queers him from winning in a beauty show<br /><br />For it looks just like a steam-boat funnel<br />Or a railway arch or the Blackwall Tunnel<br />And you can't see Jim when he opens it wide, you know<br /><br />And when poor Jim goes walking about<br />You can hear kids all hollering out<br /><br />What a mouth, what a mouth, what a North and South.<br />Ker-i-key! What a mouth he's got.<br /> <br />When he was a youngster, oh Lord Lovell, why, <br />his poor old mother used to feed him with a shovel.<br /><br />What a gap! Poor chap! He's never been known to laugh.<br /><br />For if he did, it's a penny to a quid that his face'd fall in half.<br /><br />Though his great big mouth it ain't all honey<br />He can whisper in his own ear--ain't it funny?<br />But to lay the dust he has to drink a lot, oh my.<br /><br />And he got so tight one foggy morning<br />That he laid down flat in the roadway yawning<br />As a poor old man was delivering coals near by<br />And as he went to shift the load<br />He saw Jim's mouth out in the road.<br /><br />What a mouth, what a mouth, what a North and South.<br />Ker-i-key! What a mouth he's got.<br /><br />The coalman, an old short-sighted feller, saw <br />his mouth wide open and he took it for the cellar.<br /><br />And he shot the lot right into his mouth, no joke.<br />For Jim, poor soul, got a tummy full of coal.<br />And he coughs up lumps of coke!<br /><br />In the tap room of the Rose and Thistle<br />Jimmy often has a try to wet his whistle<br />But he can't succeed until he's has a hundred pots.<br /><br />First a hundred pots of beer he'll swallow.<br />Then as all his teeth at the back are hollow he <br />can still find room for a dozen or so rum hots.<br /><br />A new barmaid came there one night.<br />She saw Jim's face and yelled with fright.<br /><br />What a mouth, what a mouth, what a North and South.<br />Ker-i-key! What a mouth he's got.<br /><br />He opened it wide and the barmaid hollered<br />For the pewter pot he had accidentally swallowed.<br /><br />It was hot. That pot soon melted and now <br />he sits down by the fire with a little bit of wire.<br />And he hooks up two bob bits.<br /><br />Jimmy Banks in bed one night was snoring, and <br />the neighbors round thought a lion was roaring.<br /><br />And the old Dutch clock that was hanging on the bedroom <br />wall from the nail fell into his big mouth wallop.<br /><br />Jim woke and yelled, "Go for Doctor Jalap." Said his wife,<br />"No fear! You have swallowed the clock, that's all." And now <br />the people (isn't it fine?) look down his throat to see the time.<br /><br />What a mouth! What a mouth! What a North and South<br />Ker-i-key! What a mouth he's got<br />The works of the old Dutch clock keep whizzing<br />In his rum-tum-tummy like a lot of sherbet fizzing<br />And his wife, what strife, can't sleep of a night, that's right<br />Cause against his tum she can hear the pendulum<br />Going tock-tock-tick all night.<br /><br /><br />
