A psychotherapist claims men "fear they will be picked on" at couples therapy – and says they "struggle to know what to do" when they are not the sole provider in a relationship.<br /><br />Kristina Virro, 32, claims to have noticed a pattern in the problems couples face when they come to her and suggests a male partner’s main hurdle is struggling with his partner being an equal provider in the relationship.<br /><br />She says women are often now equal and therefore searching for companionship, emotional intelligence, good sex and love from their partner - instead of a breadwinner.<br /><br />Kristina says men often don’t have these skills as they are societally developed to “provide” in a relationship.<br /><br />The therapist stresses it is not often the fault of men as it down to what society has conditioned them to believe – and says the "internal rage felt by women can often be directed at their partner" making a situation volatile.<br /><br />Kristina encourages men to develop their emotional maturity by journaling or talking to male friends and says women should explore their rage with a therapist or friend.<br /><br />Kristina, a registered psychotherapist, from Markham, Ontario, Canada, said: “Lots of women tell me their partner doesn’t want to come to therapy because they have a fear of being picked on.<br /><br />“Now we are facing a situation where lots of couples are dual income and sometimes the women are making more.<br /><br />“Men are raised to be a provider, so they don’t really know what to do.<br /><br />“In therapy I’m not trying to pick on men but to teach them skills that society has not engrained in them.<br /><br />“I don’t think this is their fault.<br /><br />“I encourage men to develop being emotionally in tune and to ask – ‘how am I feeling?’ and ‘why might I be feeling this way?’<br /><br />“I get couples to imagine an emotional bank account and to focus on the emotional ‘deposits’ they and their partner make.”<br /><br />Kristina believes men need to work on their emotions if they want to stay in happy and healthy relationships but also looks at what women need to do.<br /><br />She said: “A lot of women have internal rage from inequalities faced in terms of gender.<br /><br />“These feelings can be projected all on their partner.<br /><br />“So, their partner becomes the enemy.<br /><br />“They should explore this rage.”<br /><br />Kristina often sees couples when it is “too late” or witnesses them trying to fit their relationship into a certain timeline.<br /><br />She said: “There is a huge societal pressure to follow a particular timeline.<br /><br />“People are jumping into marriage and relationships without fully knowing the person.<br /><br />“We should actually look at our needs and unsubscribe from these pressures.<br /><br />“Pay attention to what your experiences are telling you.<br /><br />“Slow down with dating and have uncomfortable conversations.”<br /><br />Kristina teaches couples to look at their ‘emotional bank account’ to help them appreciate each other more.<br /><br />She said: “Just like a regular bank account you make deposits and withdrawals.<br /><br />“Think about which deposits you really appreciate your partner doing.<br /><br />“It might be a back rub before bed, or a hug when you come in the door from work each day.<br /><br />“If your focused on making withdrawals for yourself you will find yourself having less quality time together.<br /><br />“You want to observe how your partner is in every single context.”
