You see ... i try to understand life ... suffering too much ... especially while in duality ... with a specific lady ... which i illusory define as ... the love of my life. And ... i keep meditating. I analyse. I define. In fact ... i do it as a daily practice ... calling this childish tendency as ... self therapy. In fact ... realistically speaking ... in front of life ... i feel that ... it all became a non ending charade ... and that is probably why i keep complaining every single day. Being extremely annoyed but still believing ... such a dynamic is normal ... and keep saying that complaining is sort of a fundamental right. As an excuse ... i start claiming that ... i am a thinker ... then a philosopher ... ending up publishing one book after another. Automatically ... that can place me into the position of being natural to pretend that i am ... a writer. But ... i am not. In fact ... i am just an idiot. One like all the others ... the only real difference being that actually ... i am more pathetic as they are. I could even say ... that i've came into that point of being a professional pathetic ... human being. Fortunately ... being honest enough ... I am not afraid of saying it. Neither ashamed. You see .. deep inside myself ... i know that ... it's all part of my evolution. Even if many voices around me ... keep calling that ... an irreversible process of ... involution.
